Selfish or forgotten?

Dinah sat down at her desk. Sighing deeply as she took a pen and a piece of paper. She slowly started writing.

It's not that..It doesn't hurt ofcourse it does. The father of your own child..Dead..But the fact that my own child will never be able to see her real father..It feels weird.
My question is will we actually be able to keep up the lie. Lying to your own child..''I am the father.'' I can still hear Wally's words.
Maybe I shouldn't worry this much. By the child is old enough she wouldn't even know any better right?
Nobody will tell her. Kitty won't, And Wally will do the best he can too care for the child.
But can I trust Laura...I'm not sure..

Sometimes I just forget what I have and just want...to..give it all up...Just..die..
Yes Laura and Adam had a relationship, Yes they loved each other.. But I cannot stop the feeling of being forgotten...Like I was never there..

I know Laura feel horrible now...But what am I suppose to feel?
Am I allowed to cry? Am I allowed to say ''Hey! He was also important for me.''.
Somehow I feel like I am not allowed to. What would people think of me? Selfish...
But Adam and Wally mean allot to me, And I wouldn't want either of them to die.

There is fright in me, Scared to leave the house...Maybe afraid of the truth..
I prefer to stay in. With Wally..What if I go outside?
What if I see Laura..
It wouldn't matter if she beats me to death...I deserve it somehow.
These scars...I deserve them...

I feel selfish for what I do lately, Like everything I have doesn't matter..
Yes I love Wally...And how much I would love for him to be the father...

Sometimes things don't go the way you want them to....And all I can do is blame myself..

Dinah sighed. Putting her pen down. She went through her hair with one hand. She took the letter and put it in the bag with her clothes. She went to her bed, Laying down.