Self-Righteous Suicide

Dick could feel those hands. Those... slimy, dirty, disgusting hands traveling around his body. The hands moved in places he didn't want, exploring places, crevices, that they weren't allow to touch. To ever see. He could never see his attacker, he never knew the face, he never heard the voice, only the rough, dual-toned man saying, "Too fast, too soon..." He didn't know what the meant, but he hurt. His legs throbbed, face throbbed. Body overly throbbed with shivers and spasms.

Dick sat up like a shot, his face covered in a thick layer of sweat, his hands moving across his chest and through his hair. Dick's breathing was erratic, he tried to calm himself to know avail. He didn't think he had disturbed his partner, he looked over to the side and saw Roy. That man wasn't a monster and he didn't deserve this used piece of him either. He rolled out of bed, slowly and stealthily, a habit he had drilled into his mind from Bruce. Dick kept swallowing that bile that rose in his throat, he had been able to sleep recently. What could have trigger these... nightmares all over again. He moved to a draw pulling out pants, it didn't matter what kind he just needed something to cover his lower self.

Dick moved quickly to the bathroom, the bile causing a thick, burning sensation in the back of his throat which only meant on thing. He barely made it to the toilet before shutting the door. He quickly knelt and threw his head in the toilet, expelling the taste of grime, though unreal. The taste of pain, the taste of those hands in his mouth, that pried them open to do... one thing. Just one. He lost count at about how many times he expelled himself before it was just dry heaving. Dick moved his hand through his hair, almost hoping and wishing Roy wouldn't wake up to find him in a bathroom, sobbing like a freaking bitch. That world caused another wave of nausea at his body tried to empty out it's stomach asses to no avail.

Dick leaned his forehead on the rim, the cool touch felt soothing on his face. He let out another shiver, almost noticing how... ill he looked. The mirror have him part of a glimpse of himself, pale, sickly, just over all crap. He tried to hurl again, only to spit out more stomach acid. Tears welled into his eyes, that memories were large, white flashes. He could see them just as perfect as he could back then... maybe a bit more now, now that he could understand what they were doing. He had been a horrible mistake of a Robin, that's why Bruce had fired him. Dick's eyes blinked closed with another shiver, trying not the hurl again.

Roy stirred hearing someone throw up in the bathroom. He opened his eyes and saw Dick gone. He got up and put on some pants before gently pushing the bathroom door open. "You okay?" He asked in a soft tone, he was worried. "Are you sick?"

Dick went to say, 'I'm fine.' but the word never reached his mouth before he turned back into the toilet and heaved again, spitting out the acid that pooled in his mouth. He suddenly felt so exposed but weak, he didn't have the energy to fight back. He made a whimpering noise, subtle but it was there. He opened his mouth to speak before his stomach cramped out, trying to hurl away the stomach churning memories.

Roy knelt down next to Dick, rubbing his back when he puked. "Shhh...Calm down.... I'm here...."


OOC: >.< "Nothing's gonna harm you.... not while I'm around"

Dick flinched when he felt Roy's hand on his disgustingly sweaty and warm back. He tried to bite back the tears, the pain, he couldn't falter in front of Roy. Only Bruce knew what else had happened that night, only him. And Bruce made sure the man paid the price for touching his innocent son.

It still bothered him though, the dreams the cascading nightmares. He wasn't sure how long he could live like this. The fear, constantly trying not to picture Roy as the man the forced himself into him. That Roy wasn't the monster trying to hurt him, sometimes it was hard and others it was plain as day that the two were nothing alike, but it never helped to compare the two.

It never did.

Roy felt him flinch under his touch. "Please tell me what is wrong. I want to help." He didn't know what to do or what was wrong with his lover.

"'dun feel well." It wasn't a complete lie, but it wasn't a truth either. All of those memories triggered something. Something that kept making the bile in his throat leave him alone. It burned in the back of his throat. He slowly moved his face to look at Roy's. Asking silently for help, and water. He could really use water.

"I can see that. Any reason you can think of behind it?" He asked standing up to get Dick some water. He gave the glass to him and stood up once again, taking a towel and moistening it with cold water. He knelt down beside Dick and started to wipe the sweat off his forehead.

Dick shook his head, sipping the water slowly while leaning into the rag that provided cool relief to his burning skin ,"If y'got me sick... I swear.." He mumbled out, prayer the water he was drinking wouldn't make a surprise appearance again.

Roy just smiled softly. "Trust me, I have no intention of getting you sick." He kept wiping Dicks head. "How do you feel? Still feel like vomiting?" He asked worried.

Dick could feel the need plain as day, but his stomach had nothing to offer-- Oh wait, it did. The water. When Roy said vomit, Dick managed to vomit again. His body shook a little bit from the shock and trauma, he felt overly weak and defenseless while Roy stood there, like a patron saint of sick people. Dick coughed roughly, before clearing his throat. Spitting the bile from his throat into the toilet again. He took another sip of water before he flushed the toilet, the scent of vomit only made his stomach churn more.

Roy winced when the other vomited again. When Dick flushed the toilet Roy moved him down on a laying down position. He took another towel, folding it on his lap for Dick to use as a pillow. He started to wipe Dicks face again. "Try to sleep."

Dick suddenly felt like that helpless thirteen year old, begging for someone to find him. For Roy to find him, "..'on't leave me." his broken voice spoke. Dick's his moved and placed in Roy's lap as he shivered in a cold sweat.

How the hell could a dream affect him this much?

Roy looked down at his lover, stroking his hair fondly. "Don't worry lover, I am not going anywhere. I promise." He kept wiping the sweat away. "I am not leaving you."

Dick shivered a bit, his stomach still flipping in his torso. He tried to shut his eyes, weakly keeping his grip on Roy's hand. He shook again, his stomach moving trying to expel more waste, but was unable to do to the lack of contents in it.

"...dun..ver..eave..me."Dick broken voice begged.

Roy kept stroking Dicks head, squeesing his hand lightly. "I won't, atleast not from my own free will." He looked down at the young man who was laying on his lap. "How do you feel? Do you need anything?"

Dick didn't response right away, just kept his hand tightly, (weakly), around Roy's own. He found it was getting easier to breathe than it had been earlier. That was a relief, a very large one. He didn't feel like he would vomit anymore, but the linger images of the dream, the memory was still there.

Dick could feel those hands. Those... slimy, dirty, disgusting hands traveling around his body. The hands moved in places he didn't want, exploring places, crevices, that they weren't allow to touch. To ever see. He could never see his attacker, he never knew the face, he never heard the voice, only the rough, dual-toned man saying, "Too fast, too soon..." He didn't know what the meant, but he hurt. His legs throbbed, face throbbed. Body overly throbbed with shivers and spasms.

At this point Dick's dignity was just trashed, he took to slow moved to move his face into the towel and just break.

Roy saw Dick started to cry. "What is it? What's wrong?" He asked clearly worried. He gently touched Dicks cold cheek with the back of his hand. "I'm here lover."

"Th...e..man...won..'t... away."Dick managed in a broken voice, trying as fiercely as possibly hold himself together, this was eight years ago. Why was this suddenly becoming...

All too real?

Roy frowned, confused. "What man? Did he do something to you?" He was afraid. Afraid of what Dick would say next, afraid to hear what had happened to him. Knowing the all too painful truth that there was nothing he could do to take that pain from his lover. His sweet lover.

"He...did... everything." Dick found himself speaking without having an ounce of control of what suddenly slipped. He finally stopped sobbing, but the tears were indeed still there. Still running while Roy's cool hand kept his burning cheek from spontaneously combusting.

Roy felt cold. "Y-you mean... He..." He couldn't say the word 'rape'. He looked down at Dick, studying his face. It had been just a dream, why would he react so strongly to it if.... if he hadn't experienced it before. Roys eyes fell on the scars on Dicks stomach and he felt a sickening feeling in his stomach. "I-I'm sorry..." He stroked Dicks face gently, trying to keep calm. The only thing that mattered now was Dick. No one else.

Dick shook lightly, tightening his hands, "Not your fault." the voice sounded airy and weak. He turned his head to breathe, "First.." Was all Dick wanted to say before he say up and moved his head to the toilet, he heaved again, shaking.

Roy went next to Dick, rubbing his back with comforting circles. He got up to fill the glass again and to moisten the towel again with cold water. He knelt down next to his lover again, trying to make him feel better. "No one is going to harm you while I'm here. I won't let them." He offered the water to him.

Dick shook again, shivering. He felt so hot yet cool at the same time, "I 'ow." Dick mumbled out, gladly accepting the water. Dick coughing lightly before he took a bit of the water, placing the cup down on the ground again. He sat there for a few minutes before leaning on Roy, just needing that warm body to hopefully counteract with his temperature confused one.

The Wayne kids didn't take to getting sick very well. Not well at all. Specially if Jason had been anything to go off of.